Moments in Time
by TamSibling
Summary: Three short pieces examining "what if" moments on board Serenity. Kaylee:Simon, timeframe post-BDM and within the series. No real spoilers for anything.
1. Heated

Fic: Heated

Pairing: Simon/Kaylee

Rating: PG-13 (for suggestive language)

Spoilers: Entire series and BDM

Summary: Simon finds Kaylee a little overheated.

A/N: These three vignettes were actually part of a larger "smut" table I was writing prompts for. However, I lost steam before I finished all 100 prompts, but I did finish some that I'm proud of, so I thought I'd post them, just for fun! Enjoy!

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Heated

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Simon had never considered himself a sexual being. Not in his previous life at any rate. But in the past few months that he and Kaylee had been together, he'd found himself thinking of her, in a sexual way, at just about any time of the day or night. It was a bit embarrassing actually, especially as just the thought of her and the excited way she said his name while he was buried inside her made his pants immediately tighten. Of course, he could also think about her brushing her teeth and his body offered the same response. But despite his occasional discomfort, Simon would not trade any moment with her in an effort to go back to his strait-laced, and now he realized, depraved ways.

Walking briskly through the galley, he caught sight of River playing a game with Inara and hurried his pace, hoping she wouldn't catch on to his purpose. But with her "bratty sister radar," she skipped after him, leaning against the hatch as he started for the engine room, calling out, "Bless you!"

Not even bothering to guess at her meaning, Simon entered the warm room, and saw Kaylee, her back to him, her arms stretched high over her head as she tried to tighten or fix or break … something. Smiling a bit devilishly, Simon moved towards her and captured her around the waist, getting a startled "Oh!" from her as he swung her around.

Setting her feet on the ground, Simon wasted no time in kissing her, pressing his lips to hers gently at first and then with more passion, his hands running up her neck and cradling her cheeks.

With a sigh, Kaylee leaned into him, her arms winding around his neck, as their tongues met and their passion increased. Needing to part for air, Simon could only stare at her with desire-filled eyes before leaning towards her again and meeting – nothing. Unexpectedly, Kaylee had pulled back and Simon watched quizzically as she squinted her eyes shut, lifted her chin and let out a particularly loud sneeze. "Achoo!"

Breathing in again as she thought another sneeze might be on the way, Kaylee sighed as she realized it had just been the one, and then opened her eyes back to Simon, her look a bit tired. Simon's previous intentions had now flown out the airlock as he really looked at her. Her eyes were watering, not too surprising given the sneeze, but as he moved his hands from her cheeks to her forehead, he realized she was warm, too warm.

"Kaylee," he asked quietly, even as she pressed herself back against him and sighed with her head to his shoulder. "You feel a little hot. Are you all right?"

With a slight shrug, Kaylee was amazed at how comfortable it would be to fall asleep in Simon's arms, right here, standing up; she was really tired. "M'okay, honey," she murmured, stifling a yawn. "A lil' tired I guess."

Not convinced, Simon pulled her back from him gently and again felt her forehead; she was definitely running a fever. Tracing her jaw line with gentle hands, he danced his fingers over the glands in her neck and asked, "Does this hurt?"

Looking to him with heavy-lidded eyes, Kaylee was about to shake her head when Simon hit a sensitive spot. "Ow!" Grinning to him sheepishly, she muttered, "Yeah, I guess a little."

Frowning at her, Simon pulled the tool from her hand and dropped it on her workbench as he wrapped a strong arm around her waist and led her from the room. "All right, that's it. Time for bed."

"Really?" she asked breathlessly, her eyes still lighting with desire even though she could barely keep them open. Nuzzling her cheek into his shoulder, she said, "I like that sound o' that."

----- -----

Twenty minutes later, she was fussing and trying to get out of bed. "Simon," she pouted, pushing away his hand as he tried to take a look at her throat. "This is ridiculous, I'm fine."

Pushing her back lightly, Simon told her, "You are not fine, Kaylee. You have a cold and if you don't take care of yourself, it could turn into something worse."

Slumping back against her pillows, Kaylee had to admit she was tired and achy and her throat hurt. Sniffling as she felt her nose getting clogged, Simon looked to her and held out a tissue. "Blow," he ordered, and with a twinkle in her eyes, Kaylee took the offered rag and obeyed.

Placing a hand to her forehead, Simon watched as Kaylee's eyes again fluttered closed. By his count she had fought off sleep at least a half a dozen times in the past twenty minutes and he guessed that very soon, she would lose the battle. Watching as she settled down under her covers, he smiled a bit, as she finally allowed her eyes to stay closed and murmured, "Maybe I'll just take a little nap."

Suppressing a chuckle, Simon leaned towards her and pressed a light kiss to her flushed cheek. "I'll be back," he whispered and within moments, she was out.

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Maneuvering down the ladder into Kaylee's bunk was not the easiest thing in the world, but it was decidedly harder with a tray full of food and medicine. How Simon did it, was a wonder.

Stopping to compose himself after the harried descent, he balanced the tray in his arms and started for Kaylee's bed, pausing for a moment just to look at her. Her brown-gold hair was fanned out over her pillow, her head tilted to one side with one of her hands resting up by her face. Her cheeks were still flushed, but the pink color only seemed to enhance her natural glow and with a sigh Simon realized he was with the most beautiful girl in the 'verse.

Shaking his head to clear the reverie, he edged to the side of her bed and sat down gingerly, placing the tray on the small shelf that jutted out from the wall. Resting his hand over one of hers, he watched her sleep for quite a while until she finally roused, rolling her head towards him and blinking her eyes open.

"Simon?" she called, her voice husky from sleep and raspy from the sore throat she had.

"Yes, bao bei," he told her softly, squeezing her hand. "I'm here." Brushing some of her hair back from her face, he asked quietly, "How are you feeling?"

Opening her eyes fully, Simon saw the slightly blank expression that told him she was really sick. Turning her wide green eyes up to him, he also watched as they filled with tears while she said, "Not so good," before rolling her head into her pillow and starting to cry.

Concerned that maybe his initial diagnosis of a simple cold had been the wrong one, he rested a hand to her shoulder and asked, "Kaylee? What's wrong? What hurts?"

Shaking her head, she looked back to him, wiping her eyes and sniffling. "Nah, sweetie, this is just a cold, it's just that …" She whimpered again and Simon rested a hand to her cheek. With a sigh, she finally admitted, "I prolly got you sick too."

Smiling even wider at her concern, Simon leaned towards her, their mouths just inches apart and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips. "I don't care," he murmured.

As she smiled at him through her tears, Simon reached down and picked up the bowl of soup he'd brought. "How about something to eat?"

Wrinkling her nose at the muddy liquid, Simon assured her, "I had River and Inara help me, I promise. It's as close to protein-based chicken soup as we could get."

Smiling at him, Kaylee reached for the bowl and was surprised when Simon shook his head. Filling the spoon, Simon raised it to Kaylee's mouth. Her eyes lighting as she realized he was going to feed her she opened wide and slurped down the food. As she swallowed, she said, "Hmm, this ain't half bad." As Simon went back for more, Kaylee asked, "You spoon feed all your patients?"

His grin even wider, Simon told her, "No, only the really cute ones."

She could only smile back at him, liking all this attention. Kaylee wasn't sick often, but when she was, it could be really unbearable. Sneezing and coughing and aches and pains; but the more she watched Simon dote on her and care for her, the better she felt. After only a few more bites though, her stomach told her it had had enough and Kaylee leaned back with a tired sigh.

Watching as her eyes again closed, Simon reached back down to the tray and pulled up a needle full of medicine. Swabbing at her elbow, Kaylee looked over at the touch and asked, "What's that?"

"A little something to help you sleep," he told her, pressing the syringe into her skin so lightly she barely noticed. "And some medicine, a decongestant, fever reducer, typical stuff."

Grabbing for his hand, Kaylee smiled lazily and murmured, "You take such good care of me."

Leaning down to brush a kiss to her forehead, Simon murmured against her heated skin, "I'll always take care of you, bao bei. Now sleep."

As Kaylee felt her body start to drift, she also felt the bed shift. Knowing Simon had risen, she managed to open her eyes and ask, "Stay with me?"

Frowning to her slightly, he told her, "Kaylee you need to rest and you won't get a lot of sleep with the two of us crammed into your bunk."

Giving him her own frown, she said, "But I always sleep better when I'm cuddlin' with you."

Wondering how any man, including himself, had ever resisted her charms, Simon sighed a bit and then slid in beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she settled her head to his chest. "See?" she yawned, reaching up to press a kiss to his neck before she again nestled into him. "Best medicine there is."

And then she was out and Simon found he was unable to wipe the smile from his features as he held her close.

----- -----

"Simon!" Kaylee bounded towards the infirmary, feeling a hundred percent better than just a few days ago when she'd been sidelined by that nasty cold. And now, she was ready to see her swai and very attentive boyfriend – _all_ of him. With a big grin, she entered the infirmary, just in time to see and hear Simon sneeze loudly. "Achoo!"

"Simon?"

Turning watery eyes and a pitiful look to her, Simon muttered, "I'm sick."

Kaylee could only empathize with him as she moved towards him, her arms outstretched. "Oh, honey," she whispered, cradling him to her, his heated forehead pressed into her cool neck.

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	2. Role play

Fic: Role play

Pairing: Simon/Kaylee

Rating: PG-13 (for suggestive language)

Spoilers: Entire series and BDM

Summary: Simon tries to help Kaylee with some repairs; it doesn't go well.

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Role play

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The prospect of spending an entire day, alone, with Kaylee, away from the ship and its nosy crew, was one Simon had been looking forward to for quite some time now. As they had alighted on Beylix, the captain informing them that a bit of shore leave would be possible, Kaylee's eyes had lit with a mischievous fire, thinking of all the fun they could have off ship. Plus, Beylix was known for its overabundance of scrap yards and the idea of rummaging through some piles of spare parts was one Kaylee relished; it was after all, the only way she could ever find replacement parts for Serenity, as the captain was notoriously cheap.

So after a bit of begging with Mal for use of the mule and a promise from Inara to watch River, Kaylee and Simon hopped into the vehicle, Kaylee driving of course, as Simon would not have the first clue how to maneuver the thing. As she revved its engine, Kaylee gave him one of her best megawatt grins and asked, "Where to, sir?"

With a grand gesture, Simon returned her smile and said regally, "To the scrap yard, madam, to the scrap yard."

Giggling, Kaylee put the mule into gear and they were off, the wind whipping by as they rushed past the green hills of Beylix's outlining territories. Simon took a deep breath of the fresh air, and turned his face up towards the sun overhead. He didn't mind living on Serenity, most of the time, and especially not since he'd fallen so madly in love with the ship's mechanic, but some days, he missed the feel of the sun on his skin or the wind in his hair – he even missed rain and snow and wind. He supposed it was a common occurrence for those that lived in the black to either denounce these natural elements of planet life or pine for them, and Simon was afraid to admit, he more often did the latter.

Turning back to regard Kaylee, he saw that her eyes had darted over to him, her mouth open a bit as she regarded the peaceful way he'd turned his face to the sky. Giving her a wicked grin, Simon reached out a hand, and closed it around one of hers on the control yoke and leaned towards her. "Eyes on the road," he whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek. He felt more than heard her giggle again, as the wind whipped the sound away from them almost immediately.

Looking to him coyly, she shouted, "I can drive and –"

And with an abruptness that startled them both, they came crashing to a halt. Whipping forward as the suddenness of the stop caught up with their bodies, Simon looked up with blurry eyes to take in the tangle of tall grasses they had swerved dangerously close to – and now were stuck in.

Grimacing, Simon looked to Kaylee and asked, "You were saying?"

"Oh no!" Kaylee jumped down out of the mule, assessing the damage. Immediately diving underneath the body of the vehicle, Simon heard her groan and curse, quite extensively, as he knelt beside her feet.

"That bad, huh," he asked, guessing from the continued cursing that it was.

Sliding out from under the mule, Simon saw that she had tears in her eyes and he immediately felt guilty for teasing her. "This ain't funny, Simon," she told him hotly, wiping at her tears with the back of her sleeve. "The cap'n's gonna kill me."

Frowning at her, Simon leaned down and kissed her lightly. "No, he won't. We'll fix it."

Turning a skeptical look to him, Kaylee asked cautiously, "We?"

Nodding once, Simon told her, "It can be fixed right?"

Returning the nod, she peered back behind her and then looked back to him. "Well, yeah, but it's gonna take some time, an' I'll prolly need an extra set o' hands."

Extending his hands to her, palms up, Simon told her, "Consider them at your disposal."

Still not sure that this could actually work, as Kaylee had seen Simon try to fix things in the past, she cocked an eyebrow in his direction and slowly rose, heading for the back of the mule and her tools. "All right, but I ain't the most patient boss."

Simon grinned at the back of her head, highly doubting it would be as tense as all that, but when she again came into view, he made sure that his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his vest was off. "What's the first order of business, ma'am?"

Unable not to smile at his silliness, Kaylee thrust her heavy toolbox into his arms, suppressing a giggle as he stumbled a bit under the unexpected weight, and said dryly, "Hold this."

"Yes ma'am," Simon muttered, watching as she selected a few tools and again shimmied her way under the mule. Kneeling beside her feet, Simon set the tool box on the ground and waited for her orders.

It wasn't a long wait. In quick succession, Kaylee started barking commands to him, asking for tool after tool, her hand thrusting out from under the mule and wiggling impatiently at him until he slapped the proper instrument into it. After he had handed her a socket wrench, a drill and a mallet, instead of the screwdriver she'd asked for, Kaylee pulled herself back out and looked at him with an annoyed expression. Simon's own face held a look of complete befuddlement as he studied all the tools at his feet, trying to determine just what exactly she was looking for. Holding his gaze steadily, Kaylee reached her hand into the box, not even looking as she gripped the screwdriver she needed and plucked it out.

Holding it in front of his face, she watched as his eyes ran the length of it, and said hotly, "This." Then she went back to work, hearing Simon's sigh and what she could only assume were mumbled curse words as he placed the discarded tools, none too gently, back in their box.

Unable to keep herself from smiling any longer, Kaylee had to stifle a laugh. It was actually kind of funny – Simon was smart, really smart, but only when it came to doctoring and books, give him a tool chest and a broken regulator valve and the boy was as lost as a blind toad. Deciding to give him a hard time, well, more than she already had been, Kaylee called out to him, "Hey! Go easy on those. My pa gave 'em to me."

As Simon's grumbling grew in volume and intensity, Kaylee purposefully banged hard against a part so that he would not hear the giggle that escaped her lips. Soon absorbed again in her work, Kaylee felt she might actually be making progress. While the grass had tangled in their rudder and the navigational controls, she could get it out, it was just going to take some time, and the dismantling and reassembling of almost the entire front end.

Knowing she'd need help for that, she called out sweetly, "Hey, Simon, I need ya."

Poking his head down into her line of sight, he looked to her skeptically and pointed. "Under there?"

Cocking her head at him, she said, "No, on top of a mountain." With an exasperated sigh, she said, "Of course, under here."

With a sigh of his own, Simon crawled in beside her and flipped onto his back. He realized as his arm brushed against Kaylee's that were their circumstances different at the moment, these tight quarters would not be such a bad thing. "Okay, what can I do," he asked, trying to regain his patience.

Pointing above their heads, Kaylee said, "See that? I gotta take it apart and it's a bit cumbersome, so I need you to steady it while I unscrew it. Dong ma?"

"Got it," Simon said confidently, reaching his hands up and bracing the piece of metal.

Satisfied with his hold, Kaylee groped at her side for her screwdriver and began to turn the bolts. Simon watched her as she worked his fascination at her skill increasing as the minutes passed. He had watched her work on Serenity often enough, but in such tight quarters, he could see the look of concentration on her features, the look of determination, the look of pure confidence that she knew exactly what she was doing. And it was damn sexy.

As he felt the part fall a bit more heavily against his hands, Simon tried to refocus his attention to his job, continuing to brace the metal as Kaylee had to lean over him to reach one of the fastenings. As her body was now uncomfortably close to him, Simon felt the very real urge to reach out and kiss her lips, as they hovered just a few inches from his mouth. But guessing, based on her earlier annoyance with him, that distracting her at this moment would probably not be a good thing, Simon again snapped his eyes back above him, trying vainly to ignore the way she was panting against his cheek, the way her breasts were rubbing against his side.

Closing his eyes a bit and trying to think of anything else, he heard Kaylee ask, "You okay?"

Opening one eye to her, he felt his face flush as he said, "Yeah, sure, I'm fine."

Looking down at him and noting how close they were, Kaylee dropped her arms and said coyly, "It ain't botherin' you is it? Bein' so close?"

Unable to let the comment go, Simon smiled wickedly and told her huskily, "Let's just fix the mule and then I can show you how bothered I am."

Wiggling her eyebrows at him suggestively, Kaylee leaned over him and kissed him, hard. Returning the kiss, Simon knew this was not a good idea; his arms were already burning from the exertion of having to hold up the equipment. Now as he felt his mind turn to mush as thoughts of Kaylee consumed him, he knew he would lose his grip and that would be very, very bad.

But whether Kaylee didn't realize the predicament they were in or didn't care he wasn't sure. All Simon knew was that she proceeded to deepen the kiss and in moments, he felt his hands slip, the part falling on Kaylee's head and eliciting an "Ow!" from her, before Simon could steady it. Rising quickly, she banged her head again, this time causing tears to well in her eyes at the pain.

As he watched her slide out from under the mule, Simon cursed his incompetence and continued to lay there, the piece of machinery once again balanced in his grasp. After a few moments, when Kaylee did not return, Simon tried to shift his gaze to find her feet. Unable to see anything, he finally called, "Ah, Kaylee?"

When there was no answer, Simon actually started to panic; she had hit her head pretty hard, and he feared that perhaps she had passed out. "Kaylee? Bao bei?"

"Don't sweet talk me, Simon Tam," her angry voice called out to him.

"Kaylee," he whined, wishing he could see her. "I didn't mean it. You distracted me."

"Oh, so this is my fault," she asked him haughtily.

Cursing again at his idiocy, he tried to speak in the most even of tones as he said, "No, Kaylee, of course not." As a few minutes passed in silence, Simon finally said, "I really should take a look at your head, make sure you're all right."

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee slid back in beside him and went back to work. "Let's just get this done," she said sullenly.

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By the time they got back to the ship, night had fallen and the captain was beside himself with anger over their lateness. As the young lovers both brushed past the crew, Kaylee heading in one direction, Simon heading in another, everyone's recriminations died on their lips – something had obviously gone wrong during their day of fun.

With a sigh, Simon moved towards his bed, his sister stepping into his path with a wide grin on her face. "Have fun?" she asked him, knowing perfectly well how awful Simon's afternoon had been.

Not stopping, Simon simply stepped around her and muttered, "Brat," before slamming his screen door shut behind him.

Skipping down to Kaylee's bunk, River descended the ladder quickly, hanging off one of the middle rungs. Kaylee looked up, her eyes again filled with tears at the crappiness of her day. Smiling sadly at her, River said, "You did distract him, you know."

Kaylee nodded once before flopping herself back down on her bunk. "I know, I ruined the whole day."

Smiling at her knowingly, River sing-songed, "Maybe not," before ascending the ladder just quickly as she'd come and closing the hatch behind her, running into Mal on his way to the bridge.

Pointing towards Kaylee's door, he asked, "She all right?"

Shrugging once, River told him, "Simon's not as good with his hands as she thought," and then she was gone.

His eyes following her, Mal decided he did not want to know what the teenager meant and shaking his head, hard, he went about his merry way.

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Simon was still stomping and snorting about his room, wondering how his day had turned out so spectacularly bad? He had had it planned, it was supposed to be fun, but now, Kaylee was mad at him and probably suffering from a mild concussion she wouldn't let him treat, and what was worse, he hadn't done anything – he'd really only been trying to help. Sitting heavily on the end of his bunk, he let his head fall into his hands with disgust.

He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, when he heard his door slide open. With a heavy sigh and assuming it was his sister back to torment him some more, he kept his head down and said angrily, "You know, River, I would –"

"I'm sorry."

Kaylee's small broken voice caused his head to snap up and he met her tear-filled eyes, his heart swelling with concern and love for her instantly, his previous anger forgotten.

Taking a shaky breath, Kaylee dropped her gaze to the floor of his bunk and murmured, "I'm really sorry that I yelled at ya an' I blamed you for hitting me, I know it was my fault, 'cause I distracted ya."

Smiling at her lightly, Simon murmured, "Well, yes, I've always said your lips are quite distracting."

Raising her eyes to meet his, Kaylee put her hands on her hips and said, "Simon, are you makin' fun o' me?"

Shaking his head quickly, Simon rose and reaching around her, slid the door shut and locked it. "Oh, no ma'am," he told her, affecting the same tone from earlier in the day when she had been bossing him around. "I would never be insubordinate to a superior."

Kaylee cocked her head to one side, giving him the perfect view of her delicious neck and he dutifully dropped his head to it, his teeth and lips sucking on her flesh there. Her eyes closing against the sensation, she murmured, "Well, that's right. Maybe if'n you'd followed my instructions a bit more closely, we wouldn't of found ourselves in that situation."

Smiling against her skin, Simon wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her tight to him, getting the gasp of pleasure he'd been hoping for. Moving his lips up her neck and to her ear, he whispered hotly against her cheek, "Well, then, I guess I had better practice following your orders."

Her eyes widening with delight, Kaylee spent most of the night and the next morning instructing Simon on the finer points of obeying her.

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	3. Threesome

Fic: Threesome

Pairing: Simon/Kaylee

Rating: PG-13 (for suggestive language)

Spoilers: Entire series and BDM

Summary: The crew has a little fun to pass the time.

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Threesome

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With disgust, Mal raised his eyes from Simon's feet all the way up to his face and asked, "How is it exactly that you ended up with those two beauties while I got stuck with _Jayne_?" As he mentioned his mercenary's name, Mal swung his head around to regard the disgusting brute noting, as he was in fairly close proximity, that the man had a smell.

Simon could only smile at Mal's question, although he had been wondering the same thing for the past few minutes. Not so much the Jayne part, but … As he let his eyes fall to the binding around his ankle that was beginning to chafe just a bit, he had to wonder how exactly he'd wound up literally tied to Kaylee.

One look to his left side brought it all back to him as he regarded the light in his sister's eyes. She had come dancing into the infirmary no more than thirty minutes ago, asked him to join them and then pouted mightily when he had refused before storming off. Then, no more than five minutes later, Kaylee had entered, a demure smile on her face and asked, with more than just her mouth and her voice, and he had readily agreed.

Swiveling his head to look at the beautiful mechanic to his other side, Simon let a small sigh escape his lips as he suddenly realized he didn't care how he'd gotten here – it wasn't the point.

Snaking one arm around each of their waists and pulling them tight, Simon allowed a wide grin to light up his face as he answered Mal, "What can I say Captain? I'm just lucky I guess."

Snorting at him, Mal shifted back to stand between Zoe and Jayne and muttered, "Yeah, lucky all right." Turning a pleading gaze to the catwalk above and their designated referee, Mal begged, "C'mon 'Nara, you sure you don't wanna join in?"

Giving the companion his own leering look, Jayne added, "Yeah, 'Nara, I wouldn't mind bein' tied to you."

With a hard stare, Mal took one hand and slapped the stupid man upside the head, getting a "Hey!" and a scowl. Inara covered her slight smile with a graceful hand and then cleared her throat to begin the game.

"All right, I think you're all aware of the rules?" Kaylee and River nodded eagerly, while Mal, Zoe and Jayne could only give her raised eyebrows. Simon could care less about rules as his gaze had once again traveled to Kaylee's face and would no doubt stay locked there for a good long while.

With a bit of a sigh, Inara leaned against the railing and pointed one hand to the far end of the cargo bay. "Together all three people on your team must get down to that crate, go around it and come back to your current position. First team back, wins."

"And why're we doing this all trussed together again," Zoe asked, turning the pointed question in River's direction.

As the young psychic took on a pose of readiness, her face broke into a wide grin and she answered, "'Cause it's fun."

Shaking their heads with collected amusement, the three-legged race team of Kaylee, Simon and River turned their attention towards their target silently, while their opponents, Zoe, Jayne and Mal all grumbled, the two men pushing at each other the minute one of them felt he was getting too close. Zoe turned one final and pitiful look to Inara, getting a sympathetic sigh in return, but no sign that the companion had any intention of relieving her. Looking back to the crate the woman had just pointed out, Zoe could only pray that Mal and Jayne did not end up taking her down too.

Inara watched as the threesomes got ready and then said in a loud voice. "All right, on your mark."

"You're goin' down, _ladies_," Jayne muttered menacingly under his breath, enjoying the look of annoyance Simon favored him with.

"Get set."

Leaning her lips to his ear, Kaylee whispered against his cheek. "My man ain't no lady." Running a light hand over his backside, she squeezed lightly as she added, "Especially where it counts."

"Go!"

Lurching forward, River tried to lead Simon and Kaylee by sheer force, her ankle pulling at Simon's relentlessly as she raced down toward their target. Keeping a firm arm around her waist, Simon pulled her back a bit and told her, "Remember, River, slow and steady wins the race."

"I'll say." With Kaylee's second sultry comment, Simon felt his face flush. Throwing her a heated look, she could only smile sweetly at him and lean more into his arm as they hobbled their way forward.

"Fei fei de pi yan!"

Meanwhile, Mal and Jayne were continuing to fight like little girls while Zoe struggled just to stay upright. Inara, still watching from the catwalk above was laughing so hard at the scene she was crying and desperately trying not to let a loud chuckle escape her mouth. As her eyes continued to water, she finally had to take a deep breath and bending at the waist, could still see Mal and Jayne fighting like the egomaniacs they were which only served to make her laugh harder.

"Cao ni zuxian shi ba dai!"

Simon, River and Kaylee were around the crate and halfway back, leaving Mal's team woefully in the dust, when the pushing and shoving of both men could no longer keep them upright.

"Tamade hundan!"

With a thunderous crash that startled them all, they went down, Zoe managing to stay upright only because she had loosened her binding and stepped away.

Studying them with crossed arms, she watched as they both cursed some more, Jayne's huge body rolling about on top of Mal's as the captain flailed his arms and threatened to disembowel the ape-man with a soup spoon if he didn't get off of him. Having stopped to regard the scene, Simon worried for a moment that one or both men might get hurt, but his sister, still intent on finishing, grabbed his hand and pulled he and Kaylee the rest of the way forward.

Raising her arms over her head as they made it back to the starting point, River shouted joyfully, "We won!"

Hugging both of her teammates, she knelt down to undo the scarf around her ankle as Kaylee turned in Simon's embrace and rubbed up against him suggestively. "Jeez, honey, I had no idea you'd do so well all trussed up like that." Pressing a hot kiss to the corner of his mouth, she murmured, "Now, I got all sorts of ideas."

More than ready to indulge any idea, thought or theory she could come up with, Simon was about to take her up on the offer, when a sheepish call from Jayne brought his fun crashing to a halt.

"Ah, doc?"

Turning to glare at the man, Simon's eyes widened as he finally caught onto the problem. Now, writhing on the floor and gripping his ankle was a very distraught Mal. His face beet red from trying to contain the curses welling in his throat, he was glaring at Jayne with a look that would have easily killed a smaller man.

Finally, unable to take the pain, Mal threw back his head and yelled. "Gai si hun dan!"

This outburst startled them all into a stunned silence, even as Simon moved forward to assess the captain's injury. It was only after the man had hobbled out of the room, his weight supported by Simon on one side and Inara on the other, that the remaining crew broke down into fits of laughter.

Having a hard time catching a breath, Kaylee looked to River who was laughing just as heartily and shrugged. "Guess the captain ain't as well-versed in gamin' as we mighta thought."

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Translations:

Fei fei de pi yan – Baboon's butt crack

Cao ni zuxian shi ba dai – F*** 18 generations of your ancestors.

Tamade hundan – F***ing Bastard

Gai si hun dan – You deserve to die/go to Hell, bastard.


End file.
